Tuesday, October 26, 2010
under the surface: Today
under the surface: Today: "Weather changes always remind me that it's up to me how I enter into the next season and not necessarily when. Control. It all comes down to..."
Today
Weather changes always remind me that it's up to me how I enter into the next season and not necessarily when. Control. It all comes down to control.
As I work feverishly~ if only in my mind ~ to bring order to the aspects of my life I have control over, you'd think I would be able to distinguish between what I can change, right? Not always so with me.... I look headlong into the future with my eyes pealed open and my hair plastered straight back against my head. It feels like a very fast descent on a wild horse at times. But other times it just pokes along. Yet sometimes I need to hold still and try to figure out what is really happening to me. My heart gets afraid at what I might see and thus, I wince~ yes, I said wince. So it takes me a while to look at the new season because the bruising from the bumps in last season still smart too much.
I find that now, as opposed to when I was younger and very invincible, it's much harder for me to discern quickly. I get caught up in the 'how's' and the 'what if's' too much. Frankly, I don't have much confidence in the 'me' part of 'us', so my focus is a little off.
That's when you remind me that it's really all on your dime. I mean, you give the ideas, you give the open doors, you give wings to my feeble heart and we venture into the unknown. I can rely on you. Always. I never worry about the 'you' part of us, just whether or not I'm in the same vehicle with you or a cheap imitation of my own imaginings. Oh, but when I know it's you, it's so delightful, simply amazing and beautiful. That's you every time I press forward by your side.... it's better than first class treatment and it just flows.
Please let my life proceed on your dime. Teach me how to see you quicker and join you as if it were second nature. Life would be more simple and lots of clutter would become irrelevant. I like it simple~ simple, straight forward and glorious. I don't want to worry anymore about what anybody else thinks of my life. I don't want to care if others come to negative conclusions when they add up the pieces in my journey. I just want to come into a place of understanding with you and what your thoughts are about me. If I do that, I know the foundation I stand on will be solid and I will no longer be shaking because of my weakness. I can finally be free from the haunting weaknesses, and accusing voices that say I'm not worthy of you drop into silence.
You are all about me and I need to be all about you... right now, today and let the seasons bring what they may.
As I work feverishly~ if only in my mind ~ to bring order to the aspects of my life I have control over, you'd think I would be able to distinguish between what I can change, right? Not always so with me.... I look headlong into the future with my eyes pealed open and my hair plastered straight back against my head. It feels like a very fast descent on a wild horse at times. But other times it just pokes along. Yet sometimes I need to hold still and try to figure out what is really happening to me. My heart gets afraid at what I might see and thus, I wince~ yes, I said wince. So it takes me a while to look at the new season because the bruising from the bumps in last season still smart too much.
I find that now, as opposed to when I was younger and very invincible, it's much harder for me to discern quickly. I get caught up in the 'how's' and the 'what if's' too much. Frankly, I don't have much confidence in the 'me' part of 'us', so my focus is a little off.
That's when you remind me that it's really all on your dime. I mean, you give the ideas, you give the open doors, you give wings to my feeble heart and we venture into the unknown. I can rely on you. Always. I never worry about the 'you' part of us, just whether or not I'm in the same vehicle with you or a cheap imitation of my own imaginings. Oh, but when I know it's you, it's so delightful, simply amazing and beautiful. That's you every time I press forward by your side.... it's better than first class treatment and it just flows.
Please let my life proceed on your dime. Teach me how to see you quicker and join you as if it were second nature. Life would be more simple and lots of clutter would become irrelevant. I like it simple~ simple, straight forward and glorious. I don't want to worry anymore about what anybody else thinks of my life. I don't want to care if others come to negative conclusions when they add up the pieces in my journey. I just want to come into a place of understanding with you and what your thoughts are about me. If I do that, I know the foundation I stand on will be solid and I will no longer be shaking because of my weakness. I can finally be free from the haunting weaknesses, and accusing voices that say I'm not worthy of you drop into silence.
You are all about me and I need to be all about you... right now, today and let the seasons bring what they may.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Stripped to the Core
Being stripped is not very easy. It's frankly confusing sometimes and I'm not sure what is really going on when it happens. I'm still on the re purposing kick and I feel the sand paper-esk rubs of hard times. I've been 'rubbed' so much lately, I'm not sure who's who or what's what!
Just a little twinkle from your eye will help me not to wriggle out of the stripping phase of this process. I totally understand that it's part of my make up to be self preserving, like all of us, but navigating through it is tricky. I think I fear the pain of the process, I'm afraid of what will come to the surface once stripped and especially who will see me in this condition. By the time a woman is my age, it's not fashionable to say 'I'm undone and I don't have a clue what's going on,' but it's the truth. Yesterday's answers do not even relate to today's questions!
That's the beauty of it.... your love, wisdom and likability are what draw me to you each quiet morning. It's gonna cost me, sometimes in a big way, to get up close to you. You draw me and the crusty, multi layered issues I've applied to my heart are between us.... thus, it's time to be stripped. I get it... sometimes it hurts to get as close as I need to, but I can't walk away from your irresistible essence, not today. I'm too tired to walk and you are the only one who knows me, the one who can give me courage~ the courage I need to face this uncertain dance called my life.
Just a little twinkle from your eye will help me not to wriggle out of the stripping phase of this process. I totally understand that it's part of my make up to be self preserving, like all of us, but navigating through it is tricky. I think I fear the pain of the process, I'm afraid of what will come to the surface once stripped and especially who will see me in this condition. By the time a woman is my age, it's not fashionable to say 'I'm undone and I don't have a clue what's going on,' but it's the truth. Yesterday's answers do not even relate to today's questions!
That's the beauty of it.... your love, wisdom and likability are what draw me to you each quiet morning. It's gonna cost me, sometimes in a big way, to get up close to you. You draw me and the crusty, multi layered issues I've applied to my heart are between us.... thus, it's time to be stripped. I get it... sometimes it hurts to get as close as I need to, but I can't walk away from your irresistible essence, not today. I'm too tired to walk and you are the only one who knows me, the one who can give me courage~ the courage I need to face this uncertain dance called my life.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Re Purposed Items
I had a delightful invitation to go along with one of my favorite people on a fact finding trip. A woman of many talents, my friend was looking into becoming a creator of fine 'repurposed' items. As well, she is thinking about taking on the great big task of being a 'repurposing event' broker. What an interesting line of thought! I was introduced to a subculture that I was not very aware of and it was quite a whirlwind.
Re purposed. Being re purposed means taking something older, ready to be thrown away and changing it into some sort of decoration or gift. I saw wagon wheel tables that were simply beautiful. As well, antique furniture reupholstered in antique German feed sacks~ they were quite chic and expensive! That's saying a lot for me since I am more of a sleek, modern girl. However, I do tip my hat to those re purposing diva's who can make something amazing, unique and even whimsical out of the old and forgotten.
It's so me in the hands of You. Like an old, forgotten window from a house torn down long ago, You see beauty and purpose in me. Even now, when I fail, when I have put my foot in my mouth for the thousandth time, you still see the rare and exquisite that I myself do not see. What a rare find you are. Like an offshore breeze, You waft over my sun scorched spirit and suddenly I am new.
Life is waring on me, and yet, Your strong hand continues to change me~ to shape me into someone I am not used to seeing within me~ You.
Re purposed. Being re purposed means taking something older, ready to be thrown away and changing it into some sort of decoration or gift. I saw wagon wheel tables that were simply beautiful. As well, antique furniture reupholstered in antique German feed sacks~ they were quite chic and expensive! That's saying a lot for me since I am more of a sleek, modern girl. However, I do tip my hat to those re purposing diva's who can make something amazing, unique and even whimsical out of the old and forgotten.
It's so me in the hands of You. Like an old, forgotten window from a house torn down long ago, You see beauty and purpose in me. Even now, when I fail, when I have put my foot in my mouth for the thousandth time, you still see the rare and exquisite that I myself do not see. What a rare find you are. Like an offshore breeze, You waft over my sun scorched spirit and suddenly I am new.
Life is waring on me, and yet, Your strong hand continues to change me~ to shape me into someone I am not used to seeing within me~ You.
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